ok, for you men out there - this post is after a discussion with my sister-in-law about who is responsible for a child.
her theory: if a woman gets pregnant, it's her own fault. if she decides to have the baby - and the guy doesn't want it and wants her to have an abortion - she takes the responsibility herself and can't hit the father up for financial/emotional help afterwards.
my theory: guys make a decision the minute they have sex without birth control. actually, in some cases, the minute they have penetrative intercourse. let's face it, women - and all human beings in general, except for your own self - are wild cards. you never know what deep-seated memories are triggered by which events.
so you, the guy, may hop into bed with someone thinking that it's a done (footloose and free-loving deal) and she may get pregnant and suddenly all her thoughts of motherhood and her own childhood and the bizarre behaviour kicked in by hormones and who know WHAT she will do.
basically, you just handed her a loaded gun - that you loaded, btw - and now, if you didn't take precautions earlier (and sometimes even if you did). you are going to have to deal with the consequences.
even if the consequences are that she falls madly in love with you (a la fatal attraction) or you fall madly in love with her (and she's not interested).
sex is a complicated and emotionally-fraught act.
do it without thinking and you could end up dealing with the offspring (and the mother or father) for a good 18 years.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
mercury retrograde
the clock changed and i'm trying to move forwards not back.
briefly, this summer, i fell back in love with an old boyfriend. probably because i've been in a rapidly accelerating crisis situation and i longed for something safe, tested, worn-in and comfortable.
he showed me, through innumerable signs exactly how unsuitable he was. when i needed help moving, he said he'd come and instead called me 5 hours after it was all over. no explanation. in fact, he showed up late to absolutely every meeting, even when he chose the time. over the years, he'd borrowed money from me, and now - despite my panicked financial moment - he still didn't offer to help or to even buy my kid a box of popcorn when he met us in the movie theater. he just ignored her hints.
still i could feel the sexual tension between us and the longing in the way he left the apartment. i could feel my kids' pleasure in his presence.
and after a pathetic last-ditch effort to re-connect, the illusion suddenly crashed to the floor. he was the same person i had walked away from. he was his same sweet, loving, irresponsible and self-centered self.
back to internet dating and all its related irritations.
like first of all, why do people simply ignore your qualifications? i am not interested in white men over 40. i even put it in the first line of my description. not because i am racist, just because i did that already.
probably the same reason i fell back in love. because you see what you want to see. because you project all those qualities you dream of on thin structure of the person you know.
there is something so 2-dimensional and impossible about meeting people that way. no one ever seems to look like their picture. almost inevitably, they look worse and are 2 inches shorter. no one can spell or write comprehensible sentences. or if they can, they are total disasters off the page. how can you meet everyone? and how can you possibly narrow your choices from a tiny profile?
ah. off to the acupuncturist to ponder further.
briefly, this summer, i fell back in love with an old boyfriend. probably because i've been in a rapidly accelerating crisis situation and i longed for something safe, tested, worn-in and comfortable.
he showed me, through innumerable signs exactly how unsuitable he was. when i needed help moving, he said he'd come and instead called me 5 hours after it was all over. no explanation. in fact, he showed up late to absolutely every meeting, even when he chose the time. over the years, he'd borrowed money from me, and now - despite my panicked financial moment - he still didn't offer to help or to even buy my kid a box of popcorn when he met us in the movie theater. he just ignored her hints.
still i could feel the sexual tension between us and the longing in the way he left the apartment. i could feel my kids' pleasure in his presence.
and after a pathetic last-ditch effort to re-connect, the illusion suddenly crashed to the floor. he was the same person i had walked away from. he was his same sweet, loving, irresponsible and self-centered self.
back to internet dating and all its related irritations.
like first of all, why do people simply ignore your qualifications? i am not interested in white men over 40. i even put it in the first line of my description. not because i am racist, just because i did that already.
probably the same reason i fell back in love. because you see what you want to see. because you project all those qualities you dream of on thin structure of the person you know.
there is something so 2-dimensional and impossible about meeting people that way. no one ever seems to look like their picture. almost inevitably, they look worse and are 2 inches shorter. no one can spell or write comprehensible sentences. or if they can, they are total disasters off the page. how can you meet everyone? and how can you possibly narrow your choices from a tiny profile?
ah. off to the acupuncturist to ponder further.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
