met a women at the MLT conference today called Shelina Zahra Janmohamed who's written a book called, LOVE IN A HEADSCARF about her search for love - both romantic and divine.
she also has a blog www.spirit21.co.uk
wondering about dating/falling in love with a woman in a hijab? compelling? or does it freak you out?
read her book and her blog which gained her the title, one of britain's 50 most powerful women, for tips and information.
she showed up at the event with her husband - a muslim and a south asian - so i guess the search is over.
but i'm really interested in how it played out...
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
age old or the sweetness of spring
raise your hands if you read, "Your Old Man" in the sunday, ny times magazine, with a smug sense of i-told-you-so.
i shop the juniors section myself. can't help it.
the article, by lisa belkin, was about the male biological clock and the fact that sperm ages too. so if, like tony randall, you father a child at 60 or so (even after 39, guys), your kid is more likely to be schizophrenic, autistic, bipolar, less intelligent, etc.
just realized she was scooped emily nussbaum, "this old sperm," in new york magazine (p11, march 23, 2009). yes, the smartest kids are the combination of older mothers and younger fathers! (nussbaum suggests 45 year-old career women inseminated by their 21 year-old personal trainers). rock on, career women.
did i learn that intuitively?
was talking to my friend satyajit the other day (he's 39 or 40) about a woman friend who was regretting never getting married and/or having kids (as we all have momentary regrets about one or another life-altering choice we make).
s: how old is she?
me: she's about the same age as you.
s: oh my god! and she's never been married?
me: neither have you. what time warp do you live in?
he said, i'm a GUY. and what about her biological clock?
let me tell you a bit more about earlier in the conversation -
s: all my friends were asking about you at that party, they said she's so beautiful! she must have been dynamite!
me: flattered but wondering why they used the past tense.
s: heh-heh, you know men only care about women in their 20s.
YES! justification!
since i split up with my decade-or-more older exhusband, i've found that men over the age of 40 (sometimes they last til 43) are not appealing as romantic partners. (though they can be entertaining friends).
generally, for guys, 26-32 is the sweet spot.
why?
younger guys are energetic, optimistic, enthusiastic about anything new. they approach relationships with sweetness and light. they have fun with my kids. they fall in love.
on an even more superficial level, their eyes sparkle, their skin is smooth, their abs are swoon-inspiring.
the older men complain about their exes and how bad/uninteresting/idiotic music, film, art, dance, journalism, literature has become. they bemoan the demise of the "good old days." they lay down absolutes about child discipline. they are often sarcastic, cynical and so self-protective that they can't be vulnerable or truly intimate.
(my experience btw)
ok. if you are a woman and thinking of dating up or down - here are some thoughts on the male operating system.
after a man reaches age 40-45, there is good old E.D. (look that up). this is shockingly common and it just gets worse.
a whole host of physiological and psychological factors can keep an older man from maintaining an erection (stress, depression, prostate issues, smoking, drinking alcohol, lack of sleep) and/or the ability to ejaculate.
next - what you see is what you get.
as women, we've been freaking out about our bodies since we were 10. we exercise. we eat healthy food. we scrub exfoliate and moisturize. we depilate and do crunches.
most men have not and do not do this. (unless they are gay, but that's not useful for the purposes of my research).
they generally don't realize that flesh-and-bones case that carries their souls requires maintenance.
worse, if they are successful, they wear their hairy-sprouting ears and portly bellies with pride, even in a bathing suit at a resort. (can you imagine a woman doing that?)
let's say you get past the thrill of dating and on to a marriage. things get worse.
having had kids with guys who are much older than myself (unless you have a TON of money) it's a big drag. they do not have the energy deal with a squalling infant or toddler. on daddy-duty, they put the kid "down for a nap" - which means daddy falls asleep and baby crawls out of the room and off to put barbie shoes into the dvd player or peanut butter in the electric sockets - while you are trying to do some rushed grocery shopping...
a ton of money would mean they could hire someone to do the job for them. so at least, you'd get time off. again, i am in my 40s so i know how hard it is to be round-the-clock parent, but i didn't START in my 40s.
last of all, if you've just realized you forgot to have a family (desperate to get pregnant) - your chances increase dramatically with a younger guy - if nothing else, frequency of ejaculation increases the probability of conception.
my suggestion - rob the cradle now so you can fill your own.
even grouchy old guys can be entertaining friends and great company - and i'm sure there are exceptions to the previous descriptions, but they are exceptions.
old sages can be wise. be you can be wiser. don't bring them home with you.
i shop the juniors section myself. can't help it.
the article, by lisa belkin, was about the male biological clock and the fact that sperm ages too. so if, like tony randall, you father a child at 60 or so (even after 39, guys), your kid is more likely to be schizophrenic, autistic, bipolar, less intelligent, etc.
just realized she was scooped emily nussbaum, "this old sperm," in new york magazine (p11, march 23, 2009). yes, the smartest kids are the combination of older mothers and younger fathers! (nussbaum suggests 45 year-old career women inseminated by their 21 year-old personal trainers). rock on, career women.
did i learn that intuitively?
was talking to my friend satyajit the other day (he's 39 or 40) about a woman friend who was regretting never getting married and/or having kids (as we all have momentary regrets about one or another life-altering choice we make).
s: how old is she?
me: she's about the same age as you.
s: oh my god! and she's never been married?
me: neither have you. what time warp do you live in?
he said, i'm a GUY. and what about her biological clock?
let me tell you a bit more about earlier in the conversation -
s: all my friends were asking about you at that party, they said she's so beautiful! she must have been dynamite!
me: flattered but wondering why they used the past tense.
s: heh-heh, you know men only care about women in their 20s.
YES! justification!
since i split up with my decade-or-more older exhusband, i've found that men over the age of 40 (sometimes they last til 43) are not appealing as romantic partners. (though they can be entertaining friends).
generally, for guys, 26-32 is the sweet spot.
why?
younger guys are energetic, optimistic, enthusiastic about anything new. they approach relationships with sweetness and light. they have fun with my kids. they fall in love.
on an even more superficial level, their eyes sparkle, their skin is smooth, their abs are swoon-inspiring.
the older men complain about their exes and how bad/uninteresting/idiotic music, film, art, dance, journalism, literature has become. they bemoan the demise of the "good old days." they lay down absolutes about child discipline. they are often sarcastic, cynical and so self-protective that they can't be vulnerable or truly intimate.
(my experience btw)
ok. if you are a woman and thinking of dating up or down - here are some thoughts on the male operating system.
after a man reaches age 40-45, there is good old E.D. (look that up). this is shockingly common and it just gets worse.
a whole host of physiological and psychological factors can keep an older man from maintaining an erection (stress, depression, prostate issues, smoking, drinking alcohol, lack of sleep) and/or the ability to ejaculate.
next - what you see is what you get.
as women, we've been freaking out about our bodies since we were 10. we exercise. we eat healthy food. we scrub exfoliate and moisturize. we depilate and do crunches.
most men have not and do not do this. (unless they are gay, but that's not useful for the purposes of my research).
they generally don't realize that flesh-and-bones case that carries their souls requires maintenance.
worse, if they are successful, they wear their hairy-sprouting ears and portly bellies with pride, even in a bathing suit at a resort. (can you imagine a woman doing that?)
let's say you get past the thrill of dating and on to a marriage. things get worse.
having had kids with guys who are much older than myself (unless you have a TON of money) it's a big drag. they do not have the energy deal with a squalling infant or toddler. on daddy-duty, they put the kid "down for a nap" - which means daddy falls asleep and baby crawls out of the room and off to put barbie shoes into the dvd player or peanut butter in the electric sockets - while you are trying to do some rushed grocery shopping...
a ton of money would mean they could hire someone to do the job for them. so at least, you'd get time off. again, i am in my 40s so i know how hard it is to be round-the-clock parent, but i didn't START in my 40s.
last of all, if you've just realized you forgot to have a family (desperate to get pregnant) - your chances increase dramatically with a younger guy - if nothing else, frequency of ejaculation increases the probability of conception.
my suggestion - rob the cradle now so you can fill your own.
even grouchy old guys can be entertaining friends and great company - and i'm sure there are exceptions to the previous descriptions, but they are exceptions.
old sages can be wise. be you can be wiser. don't bring them home with you.
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